There are so many moments in life, where I stop what I am doing, and take a moment to step back. I try to notice the colors, the smells, the textures of life. It's during these times that i realize that i've really got to change my perspective.
this glass half empty,
things should be better
i deserve
i want
i need
i, i, i, i, i way of viewing the world.
the last time I was really able to do this was when my dad was in the hospital. He sat in the over-sized, hunter green arm chair and I on his bed. He was still wearing his mustache looking oxygen mask and he is still the tiniest man I've ever seen, but for the first time I could see hope in his eyes. A spark I haven't seen in years, 2004 is the last time I can really recall since I was a little girl. The conversation flowed easily and we talked about everything from constructing resumes, to love and relationships, to living on your own for the first time, memories from our past, and even my birth father Carl. Tears flowed just as easily and so did the love. It was in this small, drabby hospital room that I realized that I was going to be okay and so was he, regardless of the future. The reason? Because love actually is all around, no matter how much sadness and madness is going on, we just have to pay attention to it. We need to look at the ingredients of life. That night, I reconnected with the man who took me in when I had no one else and loved me the best he could. That night, I realized that when one feels connected, they feel loved and in turn feel like they have a soft place to land. This is all I've ever wanted.