He once told me "doesn't matter what happens, I'm so happy to have gotten to know you." Now we no longer talk and thinking of him no longer makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Instead, it hurts to think of him and the warm fuzzy feeling has been replaced with a peircing, gut-wrenching jabb. I wonder what feelings are elicited when thoughts of me run through his head and if indeed he is still "so happy to have gotten to know me?" I wonder if he even thinks of me at all. This wonder turns into an obession at times and I know this is not healthy. Why is it seemingly impossible to move on? Why, why, why...I'm so sick of it. I'm tired of wasting so much time and energy on memories of him and my curiousty of what he is doing now. I feel angry and upset when I think of him and I no longer want to feel this way. How can I make peace with the situation within myself so I can finally let go and move on. Is there a magic formula, which has somehow eluded me? I need to come up with strategies or consequences for each intrussive thought about him that enters my mind. I need to at least stop being a cyber stalker and quit checking his profile! To be loved and needed are like drugs, when they are abrubtly taken away from you one goes through great lengths to get them back. However, I don't even know if I would call what we had love. Maybe strong infatuation or a wantingess to be in love. I have committed so many of this words to memory, the good and the bad. We had always said at the very least we would be friends. Will this be so? So far it doesn't look like we will be, but I suppose only time will tell. I shouldn't think about him so much. I miss him. Or is it the idea or him?....nope, I miss all of him. Ugh.